In-Between

I sat in my sunny doorway from sunrise till noon, rapt in reverie, amidst the pines ... in undisturbed solitude and stillness, while the birds sang around. I grew in those seasons like corn in the night, and there were far better than any work of the hands would have been. They were not time subtracted from my life, but so much over and above my usual allowance.

- Henry David Thoreau

Hello friends.

Greetings on another amazing Seattle autumn day. This weather. I was talking with one of my Shanti supervisors the other day and she said "you know I just feel like everything's going to be o.k. and then I looked out the window and realized - the sun's out, of course."

I feel really grateful to be laid off right now in this very season. So many days with clear blue sky, crisp air, and the most loving Sunshine beaming away. And almost everyday I get to be out in it for a spell. What a luxury.

I have volunteered my way through October and I've been a grateful participant and contributor at several meaningful events this month - two retreats, a Liberation fundraiser coming up this Friday. I went back to the jail last Friday and had one great conversation. I haven't seen him in awhile and I ended up listening to him for about an hour. We had kind of a touchstone conversation earlier this year and it's amazing to me how we still go back to it, that little nugget, use it as an anchor, a hinge point. I love those conversations. They're not a dime a dozen. It's a privilege and well worth a sunny Friday afternoon. Typing that sentence makes me think of how many people incarcerated I've witnessed lose their color - literally. White folks and people of color. It's disturbing to see the physical ramifications of not being touched by the sun for long periods of time.

I feel no absence in my life not having a job. I realize that may change as time goes on, but right now about 6 weeks in I find myself at the end of this month quite tired. I could easily fill all of my time with a lot of meaningful things. And I find myself craving rest, nothing to do, nothing to think about, follow up on, plan, contribute and I have the opportunity to do that make the time to STOP and sit. Nothing else.

That's my plan for the weekdays in December. This Elf already has her weekends planned out. A Sabbatical from plans during typical work hours. More quiet time to sit in the in-between that is this season of my life. For the past weeks it's been the in-between moments during the days between meetings and appointments and I've been soaking them in. I even painted my nails a couple of times.

I do not have a job. I do not have a job. It feels so good when I stop to sit with that. I do not have a job. I am not a working architect. uhhhhhhhhhh. Long exhale.

I do have a life - a full, rich life. And there's a calling on it, just like everyone else.

So grateful.

And tired.

The What's Next question is coming up a lot in conversation lately. I'm still not exactly sure. But I do know that I don't want to cram this precious time so full that I can't listen for it or recognize it. I had a realization when I can home from the Liberation retreat and met with my Spiritual Director. If I want listening and holding space for people to speak the unspeakable to be my work than it's not just about changing my vocation or my title. It's about changing my lifestyle too. The way I live my days and spend all of my time. Not just the 9-5.

That's plenty to sit with for awhile and it's worth saying no more often for a spell so I can listen. The New Year will be here soon enough.

Praying for relief from the unwelcome unemployment of so, so many and the overworked employment of most everyone else. Praying for those who don't know if their jobs will be their jobs next week, next month, or in the New Year. And praying for those who are sitting with dying family members or grieving their losses.