Welcomed Outside of My Comfort Zone

[Tadao Ando's Church of Light in Osaka, Japan. I got this photograph from an exhibit brochure at the DeYoung museum in San Francisco and was lucky to see the photography in person. I wish I could remember who the photographer was, sorry Artist! This is one of my favorite all time buildings. And definitely as a building "type" churches hold the most lure for me as an architect and person of faith.]

Here's that post I thought I was going to write on Sunday. I'm playing hooky from work today. Is it still hooky if your boss knows you're not coming in and the reason why? I guess it feels like hooky because it's sunny outside and it's the middle of the day at the cafe (bliss) and I was planning on going to work today, but had an unexpected nearly sleepless, but seemly night last night.

So here I am with time on my hands and not enough band width to do my job, but content inside and plenty to do to prepare for the 5-day Academy which starts 2 weeks from Sunday. Hello, that's coming up quick. I realize reading through past blogs that I'm saying "Hello!?" a lot. I picked this up from my Mercy Center spiritual direction summer internship supervisor, Carol. Wish I could teleport back to that time and place and have an hour with her and Sr. Mary Ellen for a little check in.

But, alas I have some new people speaking into my life and Liberation Ministries is full of them. The pastor and the leadership team has offered me the "welcome" portion of the service before we pass the peace which is a big fat hug fest. There's some good huggers at Liberation. Anton is the best so far. I've done the welcome a couple of times and decided to take them up on their offer to do it every week for an undetermined amount of time. I love being asked and I love preparing for it. There are no rules so I take advantage of that and have read Hafiz poetry and this week I shared a quote from Barbara Brown Taylor's Leaving Church followed by my thoughts on how Liberation lives into these questions and who I want to be in my life, who we want to be in our lives Monday - Saturday, not just Sunday! I don't come to church to hide from the world. I want to be in the world whole heartily and with my whole being. I go to Liberation on Sunday and all my other little altars and churches throughout the week to be reminded of who that person is I want to be all the time and to get fueled up for being in the world. I'm not going to become the person I was created to be by hiding out at church and filling up my calendar and to-do list with strictly church activities and responsibilities. I believe God is alive in all things and I want to be out there and in here feeling it.

"What if people were invited to come and tell what they already know of God instead of to learn what they are supposed to believe? What if they were blessed for what they are doing in the world instead of chastened for not doing more at church? What if the church's job were to move people out the door instead of trying to keep them in, by convincing them that God needed them more in the world than in the church?"

So, I'm up there maybe 5 minutes and I start out pretty steady, but then I get more and more shaky and then I trip over my words. This is frustrating! I have been this way for a long time since elementary or middle school. I am not an awesome public speaker. I can lead small groups of people that I know, but put me in front of a bunch of people sitting down and staring at me in silence. Forget it, I'm going to shake - visibly! Liberation is a good place to practice because we talk back. I know if they're feeling me because they say so and I eat that up, but it also fuels my passion. If I'm sharing something then I already feel passionate about it and then when people in the pews get excited I get more excited and then I get more shaky, not less. What a happy, passionate, nervous mess I am.

This reminds me of a Westminster story. Matt asked me if I would do prayers of the people one week and I said, "well I'll try it and if I'm shaky and feel like puking I just won't do it again." "If you feel that way that doesn't necessary mean you're not being called to do it." Well. Matt and I openly disagreed about a lot of things. But, he had my number and ministered well to me in many ways, including about my dad. We also prayed together early Wednesday mornings for a couple of years, most of the time just the two of us in the quiet of that big, beautiful old sanctuary with the doors open to the street. Sometimes people would wander in off the street, but most of the time it was just us. That prayer time did a number on me too. Funny to look back and think what came after that time. I'm thinking particularly of The Academy of Spiritual Formation.

So here I am a couple weeks away from the 5-day Academy and my first sermon. I know I'll be nervous and shaking, but I'm excited. I preach the final sermon before the 60 or so of us disperse so I'm hoping I get so comfortable with that group it's like talking at a staff meeting or something. And I've got ideas about this Begin! Again theme (punctuation courtesy of Rebecca). I'm planning to focus on how the disciples had to begin again without Jesus after he was killed. But, that Jesus said he would send the Spirit and they/we would not be left alone like orphans. I really believe that - we're asked to being again, forced to begin again over and over and over and over, but we will not be left alone! If I have enough guts I'll post my sermon text on my blog.

I have a lot of things inside me that want to come out. Pastor Darrell has asked me to preach twice. I've told him I'd be a nervous wreck (not to mention he and Kelle are an amazingly hard act to follow!!) up there. He just says "ohhhh" and then asks me again. I told him I will, but to give me a little time and let me get this first one done at the Academy. I will not be free wheeling it like he does. But, I will endeavor to look up from the podium once in awhile. While I'm typing about him I just want to say I'm thankful to be crossing paths with Darrell. However long I know him - months, years, or for the rest of my life I'm gonna soak it up and enjoy the time. He seems to see things in me and others that we may notice, but are shy about and he works to bring them forth. He's a Truth teller, no bullshit. And he shines so bright living out his gifts it's contagious. Thank you, Darrell.

When I was at Mercy Center this summer one of the Sisters (the official kind) that I was with had to fly home to deliver a eulogy for a dear friend and fellow Sister of hers. When she got back to Mercy Center she let me read the eulogy and we were crying over our breakfast. Her friend said the most amazing thing about public speaking. She was asked how she gave all the presentations that she did without being nervous. She responded, "Well I just stand up there looking out at the people and loving them and wait for the Holy Spirit to appear." Mmm! Rayleen said to me "I always wondered what the hell she was doing up there." Now she knows and I do too. Hope the Academy forum is patient in the pews while I'm up there loving them with that "sweet moon language."

With That Moon Language

Admit something: Everyone you see, you say to them, "Love me."

Of course you do not do this out loud, otherwise someone would call the cops.

Still though, think about this, this great pull in us to connect.

Why not become the one who lives with a full moon in each eye that is always saying,

with that sweet moon language,

What every other eye in this world is dying to hear?

-Hafiz

Several of you reading this blog have preached before. I would absolutely LOVE it and appreciate it if you would send me in comment form or otherwise your top two or three tried and true methods and/or rituals for preparing a sermon and preaching it.

And for those that have listened to a thousand sermons send me some feedback about what you love and are bored with when you listen to a sermon.

Thanks for loving and following along with this excited, fluttery mess.

Em

(Side note: Links to Liberation, 5-day Academy, and Mercy Center are available in the information bar at the right.)