My Funny Valentine

What a couple of happy dorks. R. and I went out for rice + beans last week and when we entered the restaurant it was covered from ceiling to floor in Valentine's Day paraphernalia. We just looked at each other and started laughing. R. "hates" Hallmark telling him to express himself and we've had some nice arguments in the past that go something like this, "can't you just get over it and give me an f*ing card. I'm not asking for roses or a champagne dinner." Sometimes asking for what I "need" does not come out very nicely.

When we sat down to order I said just so we can cut the suspense out of this week I'm not getting you a Valentine, I'm not planning on making you anything or making a big deal out of Sunday and I'm not expecting anything from you. And he said to me well, I had fun working on your Valentine today. I said perfect, than we're both getting what we want. You don't want me to make a big deal out of the day or expect anything from you and I want a card.

R. happened to be at my apt. when I got the Valentine in the mail and it was the funniest damn thing I've ever received. One of the things I love about R. is that he thinks he's funny. When I got the card I said outloud, O good, I'll save it for Sunday. And he said ya, save it....well, maybe you should open it now. And come sit over here on the couch so I can watch you open it.

Without scanning it in and posting it here and running the risk of never receiving another one I will sum it up and say the card was written as a conversation between R1 and R2, complete with different colored pens, about his rusty card making skills, the flames made out of electrical tape on the front of the envelope (the only red thing about this lamb of a practically goth it's almost completely black Valentine's Day card), and his supposed hatred of Valentine's Day...

Laughter ensued. He hit the jackpot. It's so him and I felt special. He asked me what was your favorite part? When I told him I liked the part where R1 says his card making skills are a little rusty and R2 says well, you didn't really make this card, you just drew on it and R1 says ya, I guess that's more accurate. Hysterical. He can barely contain himself when he says "that's my favorite part too!"

This walking down the path with my heart open and my eyes on Jesus is going surprisingly well in many ways. Thank you for your prayers and willingness to walk alongside me, I can feel you in the wings. I'm constantly bumping up against the unexpected and I'm expecting Love. You might be a little nervous for me looking at the picture up top. Yes, it's that bad. I am that happy right now. It's not just having R. back in my life - completely unforeseen in the ways it's so familiar and so much better so far. I'm also in love in a big way with life and God right now. So thrilled to be alive in myself and not obsessed about what R's doing or not doing - Praise God!

I was talking to Trudy and Shannon and Rebecca about Liberation over dinner last week and telling them the best way I can describe it is that I get a little flutter in my stomach before I go to church, like I'm going on a date. I fully expect to meet God when I go and look for the Mystery on the bus on the way. I've had these seasons before, they are seasons, they will pass. So I am soaking up this season right now. Preparing for the Academy and feeling humbled by the huge gift this is to take the seat of leadership and I feel prepared. Meaning prepared in my person, not the to-do list. I will be here using the wi-fi and cutting back on sleep all week trying to check things off the list, but I'm not concerned. I can't wait to just show up, loving people, and waiting for the Holy Spirit to appear.

The rest of Valentine's Day weekend was an absolute joy. I really love this holiday as much as I said I do - partnered or not, R. or no R. I did geek out Edward Scissorhands style and whip up some cards the week before for my family and a few dear friends. Here it is in virtual form for all of you that I'm sending love to via this blog. I sent a paper one to my mom and Bob, my step-dad. They celebrated their 17 year wedding anniversary yesterday. Yes, they got married on Valentine's Day. I'm telling you it's in my blood. I love them and I'm so thankful that they not only love, but like each other. They actually like spending time together. It's nice to be around. If you're reading Mom, I love you. You've set a good example for me.

My sister got the all things red and pink and white gene also and spent time this weekend at a bakery called SWEETILICIOUS (hello?!@). She sent me a little love package that arrived on Saturday (was USPS working overtime to get the love to people on Saturday right when they needed it?). So we oohed and ahhed over the phone at each other and our respective little presents to each other. I told her about my table that I set prepping for some new friends in my life from Liberation who were coming over for brunch the next morning before church. Ooo, she said, send me a picture. And when I told her about R's valentine and that I said maybe next year there'd be more red on it she said "You didn't tell him that did you??" Here's your picture, Jess. Thanks for the love.

Marlon was an hour early. We had a really nice chat and he helped me prep some food. We laughed a lot about my "one butt kitchen."

And we laughed some more when the others arrived.

R. also gave me the gift of going to church with me. And Liberation on Valentine's Day did not disappoint. My church loves LOVE. Mmm! Thank you, Jesus. People were dressed up in reds and pinks, happy that I brought chocolate. Happy to listen to me read some love poems from Mary Oliver (Wild Geese aka You don't have to be good...) and Alice Walker (love is not concerned with whom you pray or where you slept the night you ran away from home. love is concerned that the beating of your heart should [harm] no one. - Amen, Alice). And then pleased to greet one another as asked saying "You are loved" to one another followed by the usual hugging. With no prompting from me or any hints from this blog that he hasn't read yet. R. said Who was that guy in front of us? Anton? He hugs like he means it. Darrel preached on expecting Love from Jeremiah 31 from the Message and I've never seen that place so crazy dancing and giving thanks (and by crazy I mean charismatic in a good way). I had to tell R. to scoot over and give me some more room for my swaying and singing and hand clapping. I can just hear Garland saying "this is just the beginning, Emily." You're filling me up folks with a longing like no other.

God told them, "I've never quit loving you and never will.
Expect love, love, and more love!
And so now I'll start over with you and build you up again...

from Jeremiah 31 (the Message)

O.k. the cafe is closing in 15 minutes and I'm supposed to be sleeping right now, so I'm gonna wrap this up with one more thing.

If you'll allow me I want to share this little gem I found in my Hello Kitty diary from when I was 8! I've found some interesting things. Interesting what parts of our personalities are with us from the beginning.

I hope you all feel Loved and you're not gagging after reading this posting.

xoxoxo.