"And when we were wrong promptly admitted it"

Greetings, friends.

Writing from a great coffee shop in the neighborhood, taking an additional day of respite and personal catch up after a couple days on the couch with my ankle in the air. Had the opportunity to ask for help and what I needed/wanted after spraining my ankle in a relatively minor, yet temporarily painful way this weekend - missed a step walking around the neighborhood, nothing exciting. I'd say I was snowboarding, but no one reading this blog would believe me. After thinking I would walk/sleep it off, I called Julia and asked her to take me to urgent care. After doing drop off and pick up duties, she did my grocery shopping (!) and brought me the Netflix movies she had at home. Rachel picked up my hiking/job site boots from work and picked up some Ibuprofen at the store. My once a month Sunday night dinner crew brought the meal to my apt. JPK hiked a ham and chocolate cake up the hill, Dwayne walked over collard greens. And I was tenderly waited on and kept company for a few hours of hilarious laughter and moans over a discussion of personality types and the Enneagram. I called the MKs and asked them to come over the next night and make dinner at my place and help me do my laundry which is in the basement of my apt. building. And whip up dinner Sarah did - yum. I've got some leftovers waiting for me at home straight from the IPOL source. Loretta even counted out quarters for me and W. brought over battleship. Both groups even did my dishes without being asked. God bless community. Thank you, dear friends and minor injuries. I also love a quick recovery. I'm walking very well today. I don't think I'll need to take up the other offers I've received (thank you, JV + Am), but I'll take a raincheck. I also had to cancel a coffee date with someone dear to me that's been 1 1/2 years in the making, trusting that not all is lost and there will be another opportunity. Thank you, flexibility and Trust. Another lesson in not grasping.

I think my friends really enjoyed being asked to help and Rachel didn't even yell at me when I asked her how much I owed her for the Ibuprofen (smile). She may be the only person who gets that joke, but she's probably laughing. At least I hope so.

Asking for all that help this weekend and receiving it reminded me of a story Sarah MK told me about a person from her church telling the congregation she wanted people to start calling her once a week. Love that woman. And I heard a message visiting a church one time from a person who lives with MS and needs help on a regular, tangible basis. She said that she feels she gives people the gift of letting people help her and models it for others. Yes! I also read in a book recently about a man who was having a conversation with a friend who was offering this man help. The man said to his friend "I don't know. I just don't know if I can trust that you'll say no when you need to and I don't want to accept your help unless I can trust that." Hello.

Now that I've got that testimony out of the way I can go back to what was on my mind before I missed the literal step this weekend. This is turning into a pun/metaphor, but was not intended. It's right in front of my face now and I'm laughing a little to myself wondering what else am I missing? You don't have to answer that.

That quote is from the 12 steps. It's #10. I have not worked my way through the steps, but I've heard them several times at Al-Anon meetings and this one comes up in my mind a lot.

I'm working on it in my life and I'm doing o.k. with the "when I was wrong...admitted it." Not so good on the prompt part. Better late that never? Ya, I get it, but while I have grace for myself, I don't want to abandon myself to that mantra going forth. I say that knowing I'll be going back to it, but I think you know what I mean. This slug needs to keep moving.

I made an overdue apology this past weekend before I sprained my ankle. This apology was well over a year in the making and I've been thinking about making it since the fall, working up the courage and surrendering to the fact that I wasn't going to have it all figured out before I made the call. After months of being in my head, I just woke up, got out of bed, opened the blinds, and dialed the number. Probably helped that I told some people at my church that I was going to do it, this accountability thing is kind of amazing. Even though I had rehearsed what I wanted to say with my Spiritual Director, my heart was beating faster, my hands were shaking a bit knowing my call would be a surprise and that I had no control over my friend's response. I'm pretty sure my voice was shaking a bit too.

He picked up and he was very gracious with me.

One of the Robert Benson books I've read lately had a small part in it about apologies and the like. I wish I had the book with me, but it's back at the library. Apologies if I'm screwing this up, Robert. He wrote something about communication, especially an apology or an attempt at reconciliation being straight forward and simple. The best lines being straight between point A and point B. His suggestions. I'm sorry (period). I love you (period). I miss you (period). Thank you, Robert.

My own version had a few more words and started with "I owe you an apology...(private content)...and ended with "I want a new friendship with you (period)." And although I can't speak for him, I think that meant the most to him. The I want a friendship part.

I had pulled a classic unredeemed 5 and retreated, long before the event that required the apology even, so he had no idea how I was feeling.

So thankfully, I think I may not have lost a dear friendship in my life. A friendship I've had for, by my count, going on 16 years. Thank you, friend.

If you all read this blog over the year you will see this is a theme - the unredeemed retreating of a 5. The major shedding of the shell.

I've actively estranged from people in my life where I knew in my gut it was the healthiest thing to do and I've done it in a more proactive, direct way and even one time in a downright forthright manner. When I get some more practice writing about my life and focusing on my experience without publishing a family expose or airing a friends life who didn't want it on a blog I'll write about some other growth filled things.

Love to you all.

P.S. I'm still using my MacBook photo booth as my camera. And if you're wondering why I keep featuring myself in the photos it's for my mom and Sara B. My mom actually requested this fall that I get a webcam so we could talk over video. O what we'll do for love. My mom hates computers. I told her I needed to start by getting a functioning computer and then internet at home, etc. One step at a time. Functioning computer - check. So those pictures are for you, Mom. Sara B. and I rarely get to see each other in person and we're the kind of friends that like to stare at each other when we're together soaking it all in so these are for her too. If Leo is reading this, he is laughing right now. xo.