Merry Christmas

November

The wind

howls

like a coyote

at the moon

the trees

lie still

in their blankets of leaves

only covering

their feet

and their branches

dead like bones

the only life

is in our house

by the fire

ME

-Wyatt MK, 7 years old

There are many things I will remember about this Advent and Christmas season - baking with my sister, quiet mornings and the UCC Advent devotional, my handmade ornament from Loretta, receiving a wrapped copy of one of Wyatt's poems, LAUGHING after an amazing chicken mole dinner with the MKs, starting my internal Advent season with my Mom in November at the retreat center, texting with my new neighbor JV across the hall, the Advent prayer breakfast with some dear, constant friends, the annual viewing of Elf with friends, participating in a little church at one of the bars in my neighborhood as a drag queen lip synched to Mariah Carey's version of Jesus, Oh What a Wonderful Child at the end of a day when Liberation's choir nailed that song during worship, talking with my Aunt in Massachusetts, connecting with my cousins over fb, remembering my Uncle, acknowledging the reality that things have changed - at this time last year my dad wouldn't leave the house and this year he's driving himself to doctor's appointments!, sitting in a circle at bible study and talking about what Christmas means to each of us and coming out as a Christmas junkie - secular and religious, playing cards on the ferry with R. on Christmas Eve and arriving to my sister's cute, flared out apartment including personalized packages of her homemade peppermint, marshmallow bark as place cards on a beautifully set table, my sister channeling my mom making egg casserole at midnight still in her coat after church, opening Sara B's thoughtful gifts and feeling that mysterious, eerie connection we have over the miles whether we've talked recently or not, me, Jess and R. standing in the door and waving to JV after a sweet Christmas day together, realizing that I'm dating Buddy the Elf, holiday non-specific.

That last one really snuck up on me. I just looked across the table one day and starting giggling. Of course! He loves sugar (!!!), snuggling, holding hands, whispering, making things in the workshop. He's even got one up on the North Pole Buddy. Laughing is his favorite, not just smiling. And making other people laugh - score! He came over smiling one night, first thing he said after taking off his coat and boots, "I made someone laugh today," like he'd just won the lottery. I guess I missed all the signs because they come wrapped in black hooded sweatshirts with hand sewed on patches and a serious dislike of singing! One night this season we were sitting at my dining table working on our own holiday projects and we had the TV pulled up, watching Scrooged with Bill Murray, and he announced "this is my favorite, this is my love language right here" hand coming out palm down to circle over the workspace between us "sitting here, with you, working on our projects together, watching a movie, ya."

Me too, babe. I got a postcard after that night of a little workshop addressed to "The World's Best Cookie Maker." Of course, the workshop is a little red beady eyed RAT workshop, but you know he's got his own spin on things and what he finds "cute." That's fine with me. I'm just soaking up his celebratory spirit and saying thank you.

I've been thinking a lot that at this time last year I hadn't had contact with him in almost 18 months. Who knew? I end this year grateful for many unexpected things and having this holiday non-specific Elf back in my life, sober with both of us in recovery working our own programs, is one of them, very close to the top.

Here's a picture of him I received as a response to a text message I sent him telling him what time to meet me and my family for dinner. Love this guy and his mobile workshop.

Peace and Merriment to all who are reading this, I pray your season was equally blessed. For those I know it wasn't, I'm praying. Much love.